Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
