At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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