When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love having hate sex.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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