Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
