Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize