I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We left the knife in your bed.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
