What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
