Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
