I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
