I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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