so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
