If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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