And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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