Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
