Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
