his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
