Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
