dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
