I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
