I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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