it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
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