Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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