If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
