they need to just BURY HIM!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
