Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is Oprah even human
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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