He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
