Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
