My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
