I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize