Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
