Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
