haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
my liver is dry heaving
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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