Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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