I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
