do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
