some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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