me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
