WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
