Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
