Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
