You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
