Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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