do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
