Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My dick has a subreddit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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