Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
