Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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