hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
