I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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