I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
