The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
