um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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