This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
