Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
