bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
