Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
