i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
