I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
