Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
