I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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