i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
