Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
