Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
