Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Houston, we have a squirter
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
