I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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