So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
