Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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