hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Found your dick twin last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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