Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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