really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Are my feet made of real feet?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
